those narrowed eyes have not
seen the extent that you have.
to us, you tell no lies.
you conceal no dark truth
of our depraved existence.
and yet, you do not judge us.
you merely observe our bodies
blossoming into brittle stems.
brittle leaves. brittle flowers.
who is it that you’re showing me?
i do not know him!
his face is not my own!
i am but a child:
innocent and young.
i've only started laying the corner pieces
in this great puzzle of life.
give me back the years you’ve stolen!
11.23.2007
mirror, part one
posted by tim at 12:37 AM
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5 comments:
I'm excited to see part two :)
I really enjoyed the repetition in the third stanza, as well as the separation you created with the periods there. SO good.
Thank you again for sharing your work, Timothy. It has made me remember how to enjoy poetry.
p.s. In response to your comment on my post -- yes, we should talk after break and yes, break is too long.
Again, so wonderful!
Some lines I like...
"and yet, you do not judge us."
"give me back the years you’ve stolen!"
I anticipate the continuing story!
i really enjoyed your post, and i have enjoyed your poetry overall to a great extent. You have such good word usage and imagery, it wasn't at all hard to picture every single stanza in my mind.
keep up the good work, and i can't wait to see part two either!
Hope you have been having an OUTSTANDING break
;-)
I just love when I see "part one" in the title of your poetry...because I know that an equally amazing "part two" will follow.
The third stanza, in particular, is really striking.
I loved it!
Je t'envoyerai un courriel bientot. Bien sur.
I really like how you did this poem. I like what it says (to me) about the inherent wickedness of mankind and how we lose our innocence with our childhood. It reminds me of my (very short) post about looking at a photograph of yourself.
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